Darkest Hour.

Have you ever wanted something so much that you actually kept getting in your own way and ultimately hindering your ability to get it? Super frustrating right? Now knowing what you know, the answer should be simple right? Get out of your own bloody way, press play, and enjoy the movie. Simples. But, like a broken record player, it keeps slipping and you keep repeating the same old garbage, thinking afterwards, “great, same sh*t, different day, are you ever going to make any progress?” Everyone around you is moving forwards and you feel like you’re stood in wet sand, stagnated. You see, I’ll let you in on a little secret…

That’s how I’ve felt for the last 9 years…

Sure, I’ve had some good scores, occasionally throwing out the odd good finish but it’s been a very very long time since I felt I was consistent, I’ve got higher aspirations than ‘the odd good round and finish.’ There is no doubt, I’m very lucky to play golf for a ‘living’, however, I use that term loosely since as of right now if it wasn’t for my family and work off the course my ass would be living on the streets. Don’t despair though, my NetJets contract is close to finalizing, we’re just sorting out the necessary formalities like at the very least making the cut in a no-cut tournament.

But in relation to the title of this blog, other than some hopeful clickbait, it’s been a real slump in performance for me. In fact, it’s the second worst stats including stroke average I’ve recorded since I started keeping my stats back in 2012. Now I know it’s still somewhat early in the year, but as I said in my last blog, I did have another ‘interview’ last week which I emphatically shit the bed with, leaving the course early assuming I’d missed the cut mark by a mile only to find out 5 hours later enjoying dinner at home with the family that afternoon scores had skyrocketed and I was in a playoff for the remaining spot… Season. Over.

There is no worse and terrifying feeling than unfulfilled potential. My old coach at USF used to tell me that I needed to “Get out of my own way” in order to show the world my full potential, and I totally understood what he meant by ‘getting out of my own way’, but I just never knew (still not quite sure) how to. I’ve spent a lot of hours expanding my knowledge reading books of all kinds soaking up as much information as I can, filtering what’s useful and what can be left alone, just trying to find some nuggets to help me get back on track. It’s such a euphoric feeling when we’re riding the wave of good form, everything comes easily and we live somewhat stressfree, you wonder how you can ever lose it, you hardly even think about the game, but as quickly as it comes, it disappears twice as fast. It’s like sand through the fingers, nothing has changed, the clubs are still the same as the day before, hole is still the same size, sure the weather can change allowing for a little fluctuation, but how is that a professional golfer can go from shooting under par regularly to hardly ever breaking par and not able to string a good round together. The funny thing is we see it far too often, even at the very highest level. The question is, in our darkest hour, how do we drive out of the rut without flipping the car?

So what’s ahead? A proper job again and maybe a little break from the game that I’ve started to fall out of love with. Probably so, but that’s what is so hard to do when you’re performing so poorly, the thought of putting the clubs away is terrifying, surely increasing effort and focus = improved results? I guess not in this game. So, at least for the next few weeks, I have a few mini-tour events to play in, I’ll just keep putting myself out there in front of waves trying to catch one.

Until next time, if anyone likes surfing, you know where to find me.


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